Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Who are you?

Now and then I check the statistics page of my blog. OK, nearly every day. Some days I get just a few hits: I’m sure this can be blamed somehow on the weather. Other days, my blog registers frequent hits from all over the world: mostly New Zealand and the U.S., but also a surprising number from countries like Turkey, Brazil, Germany, Malaysia, Russia.

I know I have a few faithful followers – thanks, Mom – but who are all the others who sporadically read my tragicomic blog? Yes, you – who are you? On this point, the statistics are mute. However, it is possible to at least find out how some people – whether they become regular readers or not – may have stumbled upon my blog, by taking a look at the Google or Yahoo search words they used to get there.

Because of my freelance proofreading work, I’m also guilty of searching the web for some very odd phrases. Yesterday, for example, I googled the phrase “three mace of cinnabar” and found not one but two sites with these exact words. But I’d like to meet the person who happed upon my blog last week by typing in the search words “Now I’m toothless”. I think we might have a lot in common. But whoever it was who googled “picture of old toothless and glasses” surely wouldn’t have found my blog picture suitable to their cut-and-paste needs. I don’t wear glasses.

It’s no surprise that in the last couple weeks my blog has received hits through searches for literary agent “Michael Harriot”. Since last year's blog post about querying him with my memoir, I’ve had 56 hits from aspiring writers seeking his contact details. I wonder if any of them has had luck with him. The closer I’ve come to agent Michael Harriot is cozying up next to him on the Google search page. Sorry, Michael, that I appear before you do. I’m confident that when you bag your thirteenth New York Times bestseller, you’ll move up to the first slot.

Who is that linguistic soulmate of mine who typed in “Beautiful Italian words”? I hope you weren't disappointed that I wrote about ugly Italian words instead. I’m curious about the reasons someone had for looking up the “know my chicken phrase”: do you too have an Italian friend who literally translates conosco i miei polli into English, thinking it makes sense? Thank you to whomever drifted to my blog by means of the search words “How did I learned Italian”. You might also like my blog post called “How did I learn English?” OK, for this scathing punch line, I deserve your wrath and now fear you. But not nearly as much as I fear the individual who was looking last week for “John ghotti nieces”. I don’t know anything. I have no idea who you’re talking about.

I’m dying of curiosity to know who found me last week by searching for “Flip flop girl chapters 10 –14” and “can i try a puff”. Apologies to the not one but two fishermen who accidentally reached my blog while looking for information about “drop shot pesca”.

To those of you this week searching for “Phrases to compliment someone casually”, “Cool phrases to say casually” and “Cool new phrases”, I say, Just be yourself.

Even if you’ve just stumbled across this blog today, incredibly you’ve read this far. That makes you privy to my innermost thoughts as I write tonight in my pyjamas from snow-powdered New Zealand. So, if I can ask for a moment more of your time and you don’t mind leaving a comment: who are you? And also to those who I did not beg to join my blog in order to boost my number of followers, to those of you who are not my sister-in-law or my husband but still enjoy reading my blog now and then from all over the globe, I ask: who are you?

12 comments:

  1. Hey, I'm probably the reason why you get hits from Brazil. Your blog is listed as "Blogs I love to read" on mine... and I always talk to people about you. Love everything you write. Just wrote you an e-mail, by the way... Don't take another 7 months to write back!

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  2. English teacher from Italy... I really like your blog! :)

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  3. Hello Alana, I can't thank you enough for 'loving' my blog and spreading the word in Brazil. Looking forward to checking my email :)

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  4. Ciao Paola, fellow English teacher: what a pleasure! We do indeed share similar passions. Now I can put a face to the a couple of the weekly hits I get from Italy...if that's where this comment finds you! :)

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  5. Hey, Heddi - it's me again. Can't resist commenting almost every time you post because you make me laugh and I so enjoy your style of writing! I found you by looking up "Wanna be writers"...that did the trick. And, by the way, I too, have been AMAZED at the weird search topics that lead people to my blog. Not sure if they ever stick around...but hey, a hit is a hit. Often the search has something to do with epiphanies...apparently people really are curious as to "how often epiphanies occur"...like that can be measured. I want to tell them, "Really often if you just come back and read my blog every week and then comment...somehow that will trigger the epiphanies"...but I can't promise that, I suppose. Still...it's worth a try.

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  6. Dear Gretchen, I can see how you would get some interesting search words with 'epiphany' in the name, and I've always thought your blog title rocks. It's been a while since I've had an epiphany myself, might stop by your blog to get me one ;) Cool that you found me through 'wannabe writer'...that's how I found out there's another writer who shares the same blog title as me: actually, he was first! (You can find him on my blog list below.) Needless to say, he and I have lots in common, as undoubtedly you and I do. Happy writing, happy epiphanying!

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  7. Thanks for your comment about my title! It took a LOT of brainstorming before I came up with the one I wanted - but now I'm happy - though I've discovered that it is, apparently, rather hard for people to spell! ephipany, epipany, epifany...
    I certainly don't get struck with a flash of insight everyday...but somehow, writing helps bring out the ideas!

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  8. Well, you should know by now who I am, shouldn't you? And just in order to soothe you, my name will enter history hopefully as a famous Nobel-prize winner in the near future (if it could be prae morte, I'd very much appreciate by the way), but for the time being, it's linked to the words (thanks to my blog tags and thanks to Google) WHORE (307 hits), gay (in every imaginable combination), bulge (well, I confess, I do like them) and strange combinations like "confessions flatmate paris breasts moaned laundry" (I mean, what the heck? breasts? linked to my blog? how on earth did that come to be, huh?).

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  9. Dear Dieter, what a laugh! Especially the last search words, I love it!! Thanks for brightening my morning with that giggle. Have a great day, from a friend who knew you before you were famous, Heddi

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  10. Dear Gretchen, did you know that after I wrote that I hadn't had any epiphanies in a while, I had TWO the very same day!! How strange: maybe just wanting an epiphany will bring one on...

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  11. Hi Heddi! I'm a Kiwi English Language teacher in NZ (soon to be Spain). My Italian boyfriend forwarded me your article on 'How to think in Italian' as we had just been discussing this topic. I found it a great read and ended up saving your blog under my favourites. I now read your blog when I'm procrastinating, or in need of a mini 'mind-break' from work. Thanks for the enjoyable reads!

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  12. Hi Alicia, so cool to hear how you ran into my blog and even cooler to hear that I'm a distraction at work! I'd be curious to know if your Italian boyfriend agreed with my ideas on how to think in Italian: I wrote it with humor but I still meant everything I said :) If you're off to Spain, you might like to read the post "How I learned Spanish", if you haven't already. Isn't it great to be an English teacher and therefore find work all over the world? Good luck to you in Spain - I'm sure it will be enriching in every way. Take care till next time :)

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